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The one-thing kids need the most that a single parent must sometimes sacrifice in order to put food on the table is the time they spend with their kids; valuable quality time that will make a difference in the character of the child, which is crucial for their proper social development. Studies have shown kids who are left home alone while the parent works are more likely to get into trouble and more prone to hanging out with the wrong crowd which means they’re more likely to begin using drugs and doing petty crimes at an early age. Once this scenario occurs, usually around age 14 or 15, they’re already on the wrong path to using harder drugs, becoming more and more out of control, committing more serious crimes. Juvenile Crime Statistics
Although, just because a child comes from a single parent home does not mean they will follow this trend. There are plenty of single parents who raise very well developed children who go onto aspire to greater things and these single parents should be commended daily for their efforts. We want to give all our single parents the same opportunities and advantages they need to raise their kids in a positive environment, giving them the tools to achieve good things in their own child’s life. If you’re a single parent with an education, a good job and a supportive ex spouse, you’re on a pretty comfortable level. Just remember though, you can spoil your kids too much and for the next 20 years after their 18th birthday you’re still supporting them. Inspire in your teenager to achieve goals in their life and you will raise the percentage higher of your child growing up to live a happy, moral and productive life. A person who is striving to achieve a positive goal is not a person who is doing drugs and certainly is not a person who is lazy. Remember the old saying, “idol hands are the devils workshop”. This is certainly true with today’s teenagers. The first sign that your teenager is headed down a destructive path to an out of control behavior is when you see them becoming less active, just sitting around the house claiming to be bored, maybe spending more time alone in their bedroom with the door shut and sometimes locked. It doesn’t mean your child has already become out of control, these are just the early signs of behavior. When your teen begins to talk back, even defies or challenges your authority, now you’re headed towards problems. If you know the signs and early warnings a head of time, you can divert the wrong behavior before it happens.
Let us help you. That’s what we’re here for.
This out of control behavior effect us all as a community because we are the victims of the crimes a troubled teen might commit and we certainly have no right to blame the single parent who is doing the best they can just to provide the basics for their child without any help. It's not only kids who come from a single parent home who become troubled teens, there are plenty of troubled teens who come from homes where there are two parents to balance their activities and their social development. However, a single parent has much more of a difficult situation to deal with because they must face the problems their teenager might cause alone. Because a single parent must work odd hours and are not able to give their kids the quality attention they need, their teenage kids are more likely to get involved with peers who lead them down the wrong path. It has always puzzled me why we do not schedule school hours in our society to coincide with parents working hours so parents would not have to leave their kids alone for any amount of time; it just eludes my mind. Maybe in another hundred years we’ll get it right.
An ex spouse can also make it difficult for a custody parent to instill a positive attitude in your child when you’re telling your teenager one thing and your ex spouse is telling them something different, maybe out of spite. If your ex spouse is sending wrong signals to your teenager working against you it can cause confusion and problems leading to a rebellious behavior. The teenager learns how to play his parents against one another, to manipulate one or both to get what they want, which leads to more disruptive behavior. Any parent who will use their child as a tool to manipulate or to get back at their ex spouse for any reason is in my opinion an unfit parent and should not be allowed to have visitation with the child unless other wise supervised. All parents should be given the opportunity to have visitation with their children regardless but there are some parents who do need supervision. It is unfair not to allow a child to have visiting privileges with a parent even though the parent may be a negative influence; the negative influence can be buffered by allowing only supervised visitation. If you have a need to get revenge or cause your ex spouse problems at the expense of your child I have questions concerning the love you claim to have for your child. If your self-gratification to hurt your ex spouse is more important to you then how it may effect your child, what right do you have to be with your child alone. You should never allow your child to be left alone with anyone whose self-interest comes before the safe welfare of your child, mentally or physically. Sometimes though the parent who has custody turns out to be the one who is manipulative and by using the children and the love they have for the other parent, they do their best to hurt the other parent by not allowing visitation. If you are a custodial parent and you are denying your ex spouse visiting rights because of your own self-serving spite, you have no right to be a parent. Your child loves each parent for who they are and if you truly love your child you will sacrifice your spiteful feelings to make sure your child knows the love of both parents. You may get away with it for a little while but it will come back to bite you eventually. Especially when the child grows up without knowing the other parent and later learns what you’ve done by denying them the love of their mom or dad whom they also love. If your ex spouse is an abusive parent then you do have a right to keep your child from the other parent to protect them. Supervised visitation should be arranged unless the other parent who is abusive is not willing to cooperate. If the abusive parent does not want to agree with your guidelines to protect your child then you have every right to protect your child from the abusive parent and refuse visitation. If a parent loves their child and I mean really loves them, they will do whatever it takes to see them. If the abusive parent does however make an attempt to be cooperative to meet your terms of visitation then you must realize that as long as your child is being protected from an unpredictable rage, it’s best to let your child see their mom or their dad. You know in your heart if your reasons for keeping your child from another parent is out of spite or if you really do have a need to protect your child. If it's vengeance, don't be cruel or you will just become the person you despise in your ex spouse and what good can come from that? Remember, bitterness only eats away at the person of whom it dwells. Be a mature human being that say’s no matter what happens you're going to do what is right and within those guidelines to rule your life you will indeed find your happiness. That's what it's all about isn't it, happiness? If you know your child is safe with the other parent on visitation, do what’s right for your child’s sake and let them see their mom or dad who they love and who also loves them. Don’t deny your child the love that is rightly theirs from the other loving parent. Just because the two of you cannot get along for whatever reason, your child comes first if you really do sacrificially love them.
In America you can get a marriage license just as quick as you can a fishing license and from there a man and a woman learn to live with one another through trial and error. If it doesn’t work out it is because neither one have a clear understanding of what a sacrificial love is and before to long they’re fighting and soon after they’re divorced. Before issuing a marriage license, the couple who are applying to be married should go through a period of counseling in order to know what it is they’re getting into when they say those binding words, “I do”. In my opinion it should also be a requirement before a court grants a divorce that the couple under goes counseling to rectify any unsolved problems they might have, especially if there are children involved in order to determine if one or both parents are capable of providing for the needs of the child. It used to be very difficult to get a divorce in this country especially if you had children but in the last 20 years the stipulations to receive a divorce have changed making it much more easy to obtain a divorce. Usually now all you have to do is file the papers, pay a lawyer a hundred dollars and you’re divorced. Of course if one or both parents want to fight it out in court over the child, well that’s just what it becomes a fight and most times the children are not considered but are rather used as a tool in the fight to get something from the other parent in the negotiations whether it be property, money or custody. Children should always come first, that’s what love is.
This is why we are so motivated to activate more people to get involved. Later in life when an out of control teen grows up to commit a more serious and violent crime, maybe rob or murder your son and daughter or mine, it’s too late to get involved to try to make a difference in a child’s life. Giving some of your time to help a single mom who needs just little breathing time once in a while, can make a huge difference in a child’s life. It can also make a huge difference in your own life and your family.
I’ll give you a freebie. The way to help your self especially if you’re trying to solve a crisis or a problem in your life, start helping someone else. It’s amazing the power you can unleash in your own life if you will get involved to help someone else. You don’t have to take my word for it, try it for yourself and see what happens. You just will not believe how helping another family can bring your own family closer to one another. If you’re a single mom and your having difficulties at home, get involved to help another single mom that may be going through the very same thing you are; it will turn you’re whole attitude around and you will see something amazing happen. Like I said, don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself and see what happens.
A single mom working two jobs with 3 teenagers and having to deal with an abusive ex spouse is a to familiar scenario in every day life in hometown USA and it’s a fact of life for millions of single moms and dads as the crime statistics will show. Every night in America there are young kids getting into trouble for the first time. Family arguments and fights will break out between a husband and wife with the kids in the middle screaming and crying for mommy and daddy to stop fighting. An ex spouse will kidnap the kids because either the spouse who has custody will not let them have visiting rights or because the courts have determined they are unfit to be a parent and have given custody to the other dad or mom. Every day in America 9 1 1 is called and the police respond to another family dispute and it goes on and on over and over again getting more and more out of control and of course who suffers the most, the kids do?
If we as a community do not begin to get behind and support single parents who need a little help now and then, we can forget about living in a safe and peaceful society. I know its only part of the problem but it’s a place to start; people who need help the most who other wise wouldn’t have anyone else on their side. It’s up to us to make the difference. If you need healing in your own life and your family is just now starting to drift apart, you can see the difference that helping someone else can make in your own families life when you get involved to make a difference in the life of someone else who needs your help. Remember families fall apart every day and the next family could be yours if you’re not doing the positive things to keep your family together. You should never take your family life for granted.
Don’t get comfortable in your own life and think that the world is just passing you by. There are people in your community who need you and they need what you have to offer but more then that, you need them as a positive constructive influence to keep your own family productive and growing. Nothing can give your family more satisfaction or encouragement to love one another then helping others. When you stop to help someone else who is in trouble you grow just a little taller as a human being. Before to long you’re a giant in your community and there is nothing you can’t do and nothing you can't get done. If you want your kids to grow to become good moral and responsible people, teach them to help others.
It’s important that all of us as a community working together pitch in and help one another; the rewards are young people who are on the right track towards a more positive and productive future, resulting in less crime and a more peaceful community. Think about the person your son and daughter will someday grow up to marry. You may have given your children the most loving home a parent could give and your children are well developed and happy. However, if they grow up to fall in love with a man or woman who comes from a dysfunctional home bringing into the your families life the unsolved baggage of misery that was their childhood, it could be years before they begin to display the emotional tear that comes from an abusive or broken home. It could jeopardize the peace of your entire family. Remember I wrote unsolved baggage.
Even though a child may come from an abusive home does not mean they will not be a loving spouse or parent.
My own mother was abused as a child and grew up in an alcohol depressed home but as a parent to my brothers and I, we could never have been more loved and cared for, she and my dad sacrificed everything just to give us what mom never had, a loving home. That’s why Kids Safety Smart is starting a new program to help single parents get the crucial help they need by connecting them to opportunities that will make it possible for them to spend more quality time with their kids.
If you’re a single parent and you would like to join our program, down the page are some of the benefits you can expect.
Remember, we’re here for you and your kids. Best of all it’s a FREE SERVICE.
If you would like to become a sponsor or volunteer to our single parents program write to us, we certainly want to hear from you.
Write To Us kidssafetysmart@teacher.com
Help Paying Bills
It’s the end of the month and your 8 year old needs shoes, your teenager needs money for school and the electric bill is due but you don’t have enough money for all three, so what do you do. If you’re a member of our single parents program you call us and we’ll do our best to help. It’s these little problems that can be easily solved if left alone can turn into bigger problems and we certainly want to avoid any bigger problems.
House Repair
Your house needs painting or you have electrical wires showing and you don’t have the money to fix it, if you’re a member of our single parents program call us and we’ll get right on it.
Need A Good Paying Job
Because we have so many people in our network and business sponsors who support our programs we have connections to help you find the right job for you and your situation. If nothing else you can come work for us.
Protection From An Abusive Spouse
There is nothing harder on a single mom then an ex spouse who is out of control and abusive. You can get a restraining order sure, which may or may not be effective but sometimes an ex spouse will do little things just out of spite to get you upset and there is nothing you can do about it if it’s not criminal, at least there’s nothing the courts can do. When the courts do finally get involved it’s usually after the fact, which in some cases can be too late.
He may do little things like forget to pick up the kids on his weekend or leave you hanging all day waiting for him to show up; like you have nothing better to do with your time then to wait for someone all day. He may tell the kids things to do or even things to say just to spite you and play the kids against you in order to win their favor and spoil yours. He may bring his new girlfriend around when the kids are visiting and try to drive a wedge between you and them so they become demanding and want things you can’t give them. All the same, these little annoyances he puts you through can really bring you down, affecting the mood of the household and the kids pick up on it too. Now I know it goes both ways there are plenty of single moms who do there share of manipulating but usually if the man was abusive in the relationship it doesn’t stop after the divorce. He will go on being abusive with his self-serving immaturity and he will continue to use the kids as a weapon in his abuse. Myself, I went through he same thing with a spiteful woman whose only concern was for her own happiness, which unfortunately meant everyone else had to be unhappy but that’s just the way some people are and you have to learn how to deal with it in a positive way. Just remember, the pendulum always swings back the other way. I’ve heard that all my life and I keep asking myself when, when?
Becoming a member of our single parents program is a positive way of dealing with your problems because as a member of our group you have a lot of people behind you wanting to help and it can make a difference.
If you’re a single mom or a single dad, it doesn’t matter to me what the other person did in the relationship that made you decided you could no longer be together that divorce was the only option. It doesn’t matter to me whose fault it was or why you have bitter feeling now towards one another or if you will ever solve your differences with one another. I don’t care who cheated on whom or if there was abuse or if you just simply couldn’t stand to listen to his or her mouth one more time. If you’re divorced now and living apart from one another none of those things matter anymore, unless of course the abuse still continues, that matters. What I do care about and what matters most are the kids and how they are affected and what it will do to them to mold their minds in which path they will choose to take as a result, good or bad.
Some couples believe just because they divorce that the other spouse should be punished for the rest of their life. Remember, all the spiteful things you do to heap your aggravation on your spouse you do to your kids as well. Should your kids be punished for the rest of their lives for you and your spouse’s mistakes and failures in the marriage? When you hurt mom, your kids feel it too. When you hurt dad, your kids feel it too. If you love your kids and I mean if you really love them with a sacrificing love, which is what love is by the way, then you will put aside your differences with your ex spouse and for the kids sake do everything you can to make it work this time through the divorce. Hey, at least you no longer have to live with that person, right. You can even make it your new battle cry; “at least I don’t have to live with them any more”. Even if the other spouse still will not realize their kids pain or doesn’t care if their hurting inside from what they’re going through, their home being torn apart and their lives shattered, the kids will know which parent loves them by the way you try to make it work with your ex spouse. One common ground you can find with one another, which may even help you to solve those differences with your ex spouse is the love you both share for your kids to see them grow up and be happy. I know it takes two and if the other spouse is not ready to be cooperative it may be difficult at first but give it time and he or she may just surprise you and indeed grow up, even before the kids do. There is a proverb that says; if you want a friend you should show yourself to be friendly. Or in other words, what you sow is what you reap. If your ex spouse will not try to work things out with you don’t play their game of “got you”. Show them your maturity to be agreeable and put a big smile on your face and smile, smile, smile. Do everything you can to make it work through the divorce and your kids will respect you and love you for putting their needs first. You may not realize it but when you play those silly little games of “got you” with your ex spouse, what you’re really doing is telling your ex spouse you still have caring feelings for them but in a very childish way. Have you not heard that old saying; “I’d have to care to be mad”? Think about it. If you do still have those caring feelings, communicate it to him or her in a mature way, if there is still a chance you can work out your marriage. However, if it’s truly over and there are no feeling left but you’re indeed ready to go on with your life, then you won’t play those silly little games of “got you” because they only hurt your kids. Instead, you’ll do everything you can to work it out even if it means giving in sometimes when you don’t want to just so your kids know you are trying to make it work for them. Just keep telling yourself; “the kids come first”. If you know for sure your spouse really does love his or her kids and you know your ex spouse will take good care of your kids when they visit, you should have no trouble doing what you have to do just because the kids come first. However, if you know for a fact that your ex spouse really doesn’t care if he or she sees the kids and they don’t really mean that much to him or her one way or the other, then stand your ground and be firm. Be fare but be firm in what you think is right for your kids. Remember, the kids come first.
So, what do you do when nothing else works? You call us and we’ll work with you to help you negotiate with your ex spouse to show him or her the light, that it is indeed time to grow up from being childish and petty, face their responsibilities to the their kids to ensure their positive mental health and happiness. Two people with children who come to a determination they can no longer live with one another, does not mean they can not work together for the kids sake to make sure everyone is happy in the world they live. Hey it happens. There are just some people you can’t live with but don’t let it turn your whole world upside down, get over it and move on. I don’t know why it is and I suppose it’s just plain old human emotions of immaturity but for some reason when a divorce is evident one spouse or both have to display an immature game of “got you” to make themselves feel better even if it hurts the kids. I know we live on our emotions and I suppose in some way’s emotions are what make the world go around but if you chose wrong the first time, so what, don’t beat each other up over it. Wish each other well for the time and love you did share and go find your happiness somewhere else. If you love your kids, STOP before you act or before you react to your ex spouses abuse, what you do next will effect their lives forever. When you or your ex spouse are abusive to one another it’s the kids who feel the licks and pain of your abuse. Remember your ex is still your child’s mom or dad and they love them for who they are. I know you no longer do but your kids cannot help but love their mom and their dad and they're hurting inside when you try to tear either one away from their little hearts. Don’t do it. Don’t break their little hearts with anger and abuse. One day they will grow up to have children of their own, your grand children and what you teach them by way of example is how they will act and react to the same problems in marriage that they see coming from you. No matter how big my children become I will always think of them as babies, so precious and so much in need of protecting and nourishing their tender little bodies and minds. I had a lot of bitterness for my ex when we separated and then later divorced but because the love of my child was greater, I suppressed those bitter feeling and anger and I begin to concentrated my efforts on my love and the well being of my child. It helped me to grow to where I was able to let go of the bitterness, which was doing nothing but destroy my own happiness. Later my bitterness just faded away and became obsolete with my newfound happiness and my new love of life. I have remarried again with new children and the blessing of my new life is just to endearing to be torn apart by past bitterness. Learn to let go and live again, you’ll find life can be much more fulfilling and you’ll just feel better to.
Help with The Kids
As a parent I know how it is when you just need a little time for yourself but if you’re a single parent that important time might not come often enough and over a period of time the frustrations of not being able to give yourself a break can wear you down causing you either to strike out or become depressed. It’s important that you give yourself a break from having to be the one who is responsible all the time or just to gather your thoughts and relax.
Here is a mental exercise you can try every day when you come home from work that will help you to begin relaxing. As soon as you walk through the door, the first thing you do after you put everything else down, stand still and shrug your shoulders as to shake off the dust and cares of the world you just came from. It’s a mental way of leaving everything at work behind you. You shake off all the mental cares of the outside world and you are now safe and sound in your own home ready to enjoy the comfort of your home, life, security and children.
Being a member of our single parents program you are going to meet a lot of people and become involved in social events that will introduce you to good caring people who want to help you when you need someone or friends who will come over and just be there to give you moral support. You’ll probably meet your best friend in our social groups and when you have a best friend you can do anything. If your teenager gets into trouble you have someone to call and talk to, whom you know will be there to help you. The most important aspect of our program and the whole reason why we’re developing this program is for the kid’s sake. It’s All About The Kids. Of course you the parent are very important too and we want to give you all the help you need to make your life and your kids life the best it can be.
Our Single Parents Social Groups
We know if you’ve been married for a long while getting back into a social setting after a divorce can be a little scary, especially for a woman who has custody of the children. It can be very uncomfortable and yes your emotions are going to almost explode but you’ll get there, believe me. Of course we know the guys don’t have any trouble jumping back into the game, right. Their pickup lines may be a little rusty and most of the time they’ll make a real idiot out of themselves trying to put both feet first at the same time but it’s not like a woman who has 3 kids at home to think about and after that last guy, well you’re not going to do that again, are you? Certainly you’re not going to do anything to upset your children and of course you don’t want to be alone either so it’s hard to make the compromises that balances a social life for yourself, which also protect the kids from getting hurt. If you’ve just recently divorced you may still be at that stage where you’re feelings are vulnerable, which is understandable and the main reason why we are here. We want to help you to adjust and make that transition so that you don’t become depressed and bogged down with unhealthy emotions that may cause you and your kids harm. Remember, if you’re a single parent raising kids you’re the most important person in the world; at least to us you are.
Our social groups are the perfect place for you.
Intervention.
This is a serious time. As a group of people who care about you and your kids, we want nothing else but the best for you, which mean love, peace, security and happiness. Because you love your kids you want nothing more then the best for them as well and if they're beginning to get into trouble and you find yourself alone, well you’re not alone; we’re here to help you. If you have a teenager who is becoming out of control and you can’t handle them any more or they just refuse to listen, call us, we’ll be there to help you get back control.
If you have an abusive ex spouse who just won’t stop harassing you and you can’t get any satisfaction from the courts, call us, we’ll be there for you as a buffer to make sure it stops. Intervention means we will stand between you and anything or anyone who tries to take away your love, peace, security and happiness to protect you and your kids from any kind of harm. When you belong to our single parents group you have a lot of people standing beside you. If you need around the clock protection, we'll make sure you get it. We will even provide for you and your kids a safe place to stay if you need one, a place to get away and find some privacy to get your life back on track. Whatever it takes we’re here to help you.
Write To Us kidssafetysmart@teacher.com
If you would like to become a Kids Safety Smart representative or an area coordinator where you live, write to us at the email address above and we we’ll contact you to get you started. Representatives earn 45% of what you collect for the Kids Safety Smart program from business sponsors and school fundraisers. The reason for our programs is to promote kids safety in your community. We want to make sure you have all the information you need to keep your kids safe.
We need you to help us make America safe for our kids.
Now Let’s Get Started.
We Need Operatives
This is a very rewarding opportunity if you have time to give. We need people who are willing to provide safe houses.
People who are willing to do what is necessary to protect a mother and her children who are running from an abusive ex spouse.
I can not give you any more details then that but this should be enough information for those of you who understand why this part of our program is secretive and only those who are involved know our procedures and policies in this area.
Because of the sensitive nature of our Operatives Program we do a major screening of those who get involved in this area to help a mother and her children from being abused. Sometimes the police and courts cannot give 24-hour protection and a restraining order is only good after the fact to make an arrest. When a mom and her children are lying dead in their home a restraining order just doesn't cut it. Fortunately, most marital problems are not as serious even if it is an abuse case, it may not rise to the degree of being classified as dangerous with the threat of loss of life but the trouble is you never know. However, sometimes there are abusive spouses that are dangerous whithout any doubt and the after effects of their rage and violence could mean the death of a mother and her children and this must stop. When a person becomes so out of control filled with rage and determined unreasonable vengeance, it's not enough to get a restraining order.
If you will get involved to help protect single moms and kids who are caught up in a dangerous relationship with an out of control abusive ex spouse, I can't tell you how much but you should know the rewards are tremendous. Don't worry about getting involved with a situation that is classified as dangerous, for you the Operative, the program is completely safe and protected.
We take every precaution and concern for your safety as well as the mom and her children’s safety in to consideration and we plan for every possible scenario. Remember, "safety" is our middle name.
Write to us if you want someone to call you and talk to you about being a Kids Safety Smart Operative and we'll start the screening process to get you involved.
Write To Us kidssafetysmart@teacher.com
Close your eyes and think of me
and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name
and you know whereever I am
I'll come running oh yeah baby
to see you again.
Winter spring summer or fall
all you have to do is call
and I'll be there yeah yeah yeah.
You've got a friend.
If the sky above you
should turn dark and full of clouds
and that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
and soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
all you got to do is call
and I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.
You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don't you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you've got to do is call.
Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
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